Should Parents Pick Our Spouse

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Cutienaomi 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #11371

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 4730

    Recently, this topic almost had dad and I in some Russian face-off sh**.

    She visited me when he was around and as expected, after she had left he raised the issue commanding that he doesn’t want to ever see her again. That when I’m ready to marry, I will consult them to choose a girl from some random family for me.

    Sincerely, I flared up and had to make it clear that nobody is picking my own wife for me.
    First of all, I’m of age and maturity. Like for Pete’s sake, I’m in UNILAG, I know what I see at nights and temptations I overcome on a regular so telling me not to bring the only girl in my life home is like pushing me to the wall.
    Secondly, I want to be completely responsible for my marital decisions and not a case whereby the regrets will be how I wished I chose the girl I wanted and not the one my parents wanted because at the end of the day, I’m the one who is marrying her forever, not them.
    And just as it is being said, it is better to regret what you did than to regret what you did not do.

    But after all these scenes, I still have that indictment in me that what if they were right and that their choice of spouse for me will be perfect?
    Which leads to the question used as the topic.


    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11381

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 640

    Parents or relatives don’t have the right to choose your spouse for you. They may feel like they do thinking they know you, but most of our parents not know the things we desire in partners. They will choose based in their own preferences which will be different from yours. This kind of arrangement hardly ever works out.

    They say old is wisdom. So they’re in a place to advise us or make suggestions but never to pick for us. You’re the one spending the rest of your life with that person. More so, parents see this as a controlling means. Because it shows you’re still a baby that can’t make your own decision. And that chosen spouse can be used to also control you.

    What parents have to do is to advise their child and caution their child if they notice a bad behavior in their in-law to be. And then give their blessings to the union. We have to stand our grounds politely to them about boundaries while also not neglecting their counsels and advice towards choosing a spouse.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11384

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3320

    No, Parents should not pick our spouse for us.
    You are the one that will live with the person for life,so it’s always better you choose by yourself so that anything you see, you take
    If you see good in your partner you congratulate yourself, if you see bad you blame yourself and not another person
    All these things work in two ways. Sometimes when one wants to marry, Parents being older, they feel they know better families with very bad track records like families with traits of ‘Stealing, Robbery, Madness and some other genetic bad traits/tendencies, so when they see you with a person from such families, they get very worried telling you not to marry from there instead let them choose for you from families they feel they know as ‘good’
    Their role should be ‘advisory’ in conditions like this and not to mandate unless in situations where the person seeking a ‘spouse’ expressly asks them to look for a wife for him.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11390

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    @samson, you see Ehn…
    Sometimes we just can’t explain somethings.
    In as much as Dad reacted that way, it is possible that Dad just don’t flow well with that particular person and the best thing to say at that point is…
    “When it’s time, we’ll pick a wife for you”..

    It may also be that, Dad was not really in a good mood…

    Something must have influenced his decision.
    However, even if you go ahead to pick a wife for yourself by yourself, won’t you be needing your Parents blessings?

    Like he rightly put..
    “When it is time” He probably feels you’re not ready or something.
    When you get to that hurdle you’ll cross it.

    Of course by then maybe he’ll be the one to tell you to bring so, so, and so he saw you with jokingly…

    Relax your mind and just give it TIME.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11419

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 30


    Parents choosing spouses for their children is not archaic, some parents still do till today.


    Question is…

    Can you trust their judgements?

    Sometimes, our parents can be really sentimental and they choose according to their own likes or dislikes forgetting that we the children also have preferences.

    In some cases, the choosing favors the children in some cases it doesn’t.

    In all, if you as a grown up man won’t allow your parents influence your decision of a life partner,  you should be ready to stand with whoever you decide to settle with.


    I’ve seen cases where the parents don’t get to support the choices of their children and when the storms of life blows, some persons just leave their spouses standing alone with no one to run to.

    Sometimes, our Parents choose to see us as their little babies, but we can never be their little babies forever…

    We grow and have babies too, who grows and have theirs…

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)

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