This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Janefrances 9 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #7781

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3320

    Most mothers in law can not co/habitat with their son’s wives. I don’t know the reason. They tend to live ‘cat and dog’ life. One day one trouble. If the mothers in law are not complaining about their son’s wives, their son’s wives are complaining about them. What is actually causing this inability to stay together?

    • This topic was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  CHIJANN.
    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #7790

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 4730

    Two things could be the reason.
    First, is the mother in-law always dwelling in the state of fear of losing their son’s attention to the his new woman.
    They become to sensitive to the fact that he cares about his wife and then develop this false perception that he cares for the wife much more than he does for them therefore triggering that defense mechanism of competing for him with the wife.

    The second reason is short and less likely which is that the wife might generally be a bad person or just a bad person towards the mother in-law while she pretends an angel in front of her son.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #7806

    Femi Onileagbon
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3755

    My mother refused to live with my brother or stay with him for more than two days because she believed that the mother of the husband must stay in her own husband’s house and leave her son’s wife to enjoy her own house. She once stopped me from finishing a plate of ofada rice because ‘a o ki nje ounje tan nile ana’ that is you don’t accept all you’re given in an in-law’s house. I was angry. That was my brother’s house! As I got older and understood the dynamics that come into play when your brother marries a wife, I realised the wisdom of my mum’s words.

    In many cases, mothers-in-law will want to continue with the relationship they had with their sons, especially if they are close while the wife will want to establish the bond she has made with him without interruption by a third party, even if it is her mother-in-law.

    I think mothers-in-law should make their visits to their son’s home brief and infrequent. If you need to see him, why not send for him. You’re the mother, aren’t you?

    Of course there may be occasions when a son must take his mother in. He needs to be sensitive to his wife’s moods and if there are changes, he must ensure he finds out why. If they are connected to his mother’s presence, he must find a solution that will work for mother and wife.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (informative)
  • #7828

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2580

    It’s not a bad thing that our mothers do visit our houses, but come to think of it, you are now independent, they should know that

    They can come without having issues, but in a situation whereby you try to oversee the activities of the house because you are my mother, I won’t tolerate that.

    For Christ sake I have a wife, she is to see through the house

    If there was anyone who disturbed you during your time, it was because your husband or even you allowed that

    I won’t disrespect you being my mum, but I won’t have you disrespect my wife either.

    You cook differently, my wife cooks differently, you pick up an issue – she doesn’t cook well, bla bla bla, mum! That’s the food I want to eat, in as much as I grew up eating your food, I belong to someone else now

    I need grand children and bla bla bla, you start disturbing my wife and calling her names, are you God?

    Now back to my wife, you don’t disrespect my mum when  she comes

    You don’t just talk to her anyhow, when you have any issue with her, you leave it to me to handle

    My mum is my mum, and I wasn’t gonna be with you if she didn’t give birth to me. So both needs to understand each other

    I’m a married man, I need my privacy. I would rather have my mum come for visits than stay with us.

    • This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Aezolase.
    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #7853

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    I will be talking from the standpoint of a woman and not a Mother-in-law or Daughter-in-law.

    You see ehn, Women generally find it hard to stay in each other’s company..
    They naturally like competition and they are naturally emotional beings.

    Women likes to be in control too.

    A woman falls in love with a man, they eventually gets married and all of a sudden she wants to be the “Controller General” of his life forgetting that there has always been a Woman who has been playing that role yes his mother who is also unapologetic in love with her son.

    All of a sudden there’s a rift as to who the man pledges Loyalty to.

    A wise Man will naturally strike a balance because these two women are equally important to him, but No, some men will let the love for either of the two women show thereby promoting Unhealthy rivalry amongst them.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #7864

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 4730

    Smiles @mayjovey
    I think I speak for the men by asking how this “balanced” of love for the both women can be perfectly struck to avoid unhealthy rival among them.

    Please, help…it gives me anxiety too as I draw close to marriage.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #7895

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 390

    We always have this “wicked mothers in-law” mentality. We forget that there are some wicked daughters in-law too.

    Usually, people quickly attribute the fault to the mothers-in-law. I think it is due to the “weaker ones are always right” mentality and because most opressed mothers don’t spread it to the world  like the wives do.

    The point is that the problem is sometimes the wife, sometimes the mother and most times both. Women are natural leaders. To us everything is a competition and we love to be in control. I think the problem is that most times, a mother forgets that the son is grown up and now has another captain controlling his ship and the wife forgets that though she is the new and inexperienced captain, the ship(husband’s life) had a captain before so instead of fighting with the old captain for power, she should make her (the mother) her(the wife) mentor and advicer on how to best handle the ship.

    That way, mother feels respected and needed and freely relinquishes power and wife has full control plus bonus guidance from the old captain leathing to a smoother sail.

    It is not really a question of two bad women or one good and one bad woman, it is mostly a question of lack of understanding and insecurities and two women who are in competition for control.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)

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