"for better for worse" more than just words

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Feresther 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #5907

    Blacknizer
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 1250

    The gravity of this two words is highly unimaginable knowing that whatsoever the case may be, only death should do you part, I see couples in weddings happily reciting their oaths and making mention of this words effortlessly… It is always more than that and have higher implications than just recitation….

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #6049

    Mayowa
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 10

    Most people don’t understand the sanctity of marriage. You should spend quality time with your partner to understand his or her behaviors and character before marriage. There should also be discussions about what you both want in the marriage like how many kids, if one of us loses their job e.t.c. sadly this is not the case as people just rush into marriage and sadly rush out.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #6054

    Femi Onileagbon
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3755

    I particularly like the part that suggests discussions about key areas of the relationship. However talk is often cheap. The tendency for some to hide their true nature undermines any effort at honest discussions.

    The view that every relationship should result in marriage is inimical to true bonds. Many who say I do say so because they have been with their partner for long,got pregnant, are aged, etc, rather than because it is their choice. The result is seen in the spate of divorces and killing of spouses we have witnessed in recent times.

    When we begin to truly see courtship or dating as the period when you determine if you want to go a step further or not,we begin to give a sound footing to marriage. The stigmatisation of single parenthood is one of the key underminers of marriage in a clime such as hours.

    If a couple find that they hit a brick wall on serious discussions, differs on who cooks or does house chores, have irreconcilable differences as to finance, religion, etc, there’s no point hoping that a change would come as more time is spent together or the love deepens. A person’s personality is set once he is in his twenties. That is why it is unsurprising to find inventors and scholars of world renown who are in their twenties.

    If we stop the stigmatisation, and trouble ourselves less with being married or not, there will be lesser desperation to say I do when it is not truly meant. This doesn’t mean that some marriages won’t crash but they will have a greater chance of survival if the words are truly meant.

    This brings me to the issue of sex. A lot of people hold on because they have given themselves to their partner. Owing to this, glaring deficiencies are ignored in the prospective spouse. Signs or warnings of violent or irresponsible conduct are pushed to the background. Sexual engagement is not love. It is not an indication of love. It is not a guarantee that someone will care and be faithful nor is it a warranty of eternal commitment.

    Talk about key issues as the main thread advocates but keep you eyes open for acts of dissent,discord, disrespect, selfishness, etc. These are the marriage breakers -mole hills that become mountains later. If you can’t live with them or both of you find a common ground, it is better to take your time before you say, ‘I Do!’

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11357

    CHIJANN
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3310

    If the married couple know the gravity of this phrase “for better for worse” they should not swear to it and later joke with it.
    It means no matter the condition whether favourable or unfavorable, you will be and stay in the marriage.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11362

    4evergrace
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points:

    Yes, it’s more than just words but it’s easier said than done.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11375

    JanetColette
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 640

    In my own view, that phrase should be lifted off the wedding vows. Anyway, it’s only in Nigeria here we still quote it in weddings.

    The best is for you to find the best person to settle down with and be sure to agree on the key and important things you desire. But if married, and there are many factors that pushes one to marriage, and it becomes unbearable, it’s best to leave the marriage.

    When things gets worst such as cheating, domestic violence, threat to life, emotional abuse, etc Don’t sit there quoting for better for worse. At that point, your life matters most.

    Marriage is a sanctuary that should be respected and entered into with great caution and wisdom with the mindset that it is forever. But the way the world is getting worse by the day and this institution is being abused greatly.  Just ensure before you say I do and For better For worse, you know what you’re getting into.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11391

    mayjovey
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    @blackniser, that phrase weighs more than the way it’s been said.
    People say it and in few months they’re doing otherwise.

    Like @janetcolette rightly put, it should be scraped.
    For heaven’s sake, two persons that decides to work down the aisle (so long as they are not forced) should know that they are taking a decision for better or for worse…

    How worse can it even get? Of course if it gets to a point where Domestic Violence, Emotional abuse, Psychological disability etc comes in…
    How will expect any of the party to stay put and maintain their Sanity?
    What if the lingers on?

    Worse ke?

    Proper orientation should be given to couples before they say “I Do”

    And before any other thing, couples should be allowed to say their vows the way they want it, handwritten by themselves without their choice of words and how they want it like they do in some countries and not recite the popular “for better for worse” anthem.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11396

    Senroso
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 650

    Truthfulness and fairness should be the very first binding act between couples right from courtship,

    Alot of couples want to marry because their friends are getting married or I don’t want to age before getting married while they are not yet prepared

    For better for worse in our marriages today have become mere words,  they no longer consider it as a vow before God and man,  so someone who doesn’t respect God,  would that person respect his partner??

    So many conceal their true characters during courtship just to deceive ur partner,  but to what end????  The truth will always come out no matter how good one is at concealing secrets

    Communication is key but very much depends if the parties are truthful to one another

    Set your goals straight in relationship and work towards it side by side with ur partner,  hopefully the story won’t be different

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11398

    Shanks
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 180

    @4evergrace: That’s just the bitter truth as some couples don’t even know what they’re about to get into before their declaration of consent.

    @janetcolette: You got me smiling. Scrapping it off doesn’t necessarily guarantee that couples would begin to have the right orientation regarding “perseverance” because that phrase (for better or worse) becomes relative at a point in time. So even if we customize our vows, it’s still gonna amount to nothing if the partners involved have no respect for God (that’s if they believe in a supreme being) or for each other and if they lack clear goals/focus in their relationship. To me, when it comes to marriage, one really needs to be careful and fully prepared (for unforseen circumstances) – you garbage in, you garbage out!

    @mayjovey: You mean something like this – “I, Shanks do you take Jovey to be my partner in the adventure that lies ahead, to walk by your side to the ends of the earth, to love, encourage, and support you in your daily endeavours, to open myself up completely to you and share with you my entire being, to share your craze as well as sanity and to take you as my wife from now until the end of time.”???

    Hehehehehe…

    Well, all na wash if we aren’t committed to staying true to ourselves and upholding the consent we declared (either before God and His Church or at the Registry or wherever we choose).

     

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11399

    mayjovey
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    @shanks see me blushing…
    Very creative.

    This is more like it.
    There’s no wash inside o.

    The Christian Holy Books says…
    “Out of the Abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”

    If you can say that from your heart and mean it, I put it to you that you will consciously and unconsciously keep to it.

    Sane with the lady.
    If I put down my vows myself, I’ll mean it with my heart and it will stick.

    There are some things we don’t take for granted…

    Real men/women won’t just blab over some wedding vows on the D-day and go home to do another.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11416

    CHIJANN
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3310

    But please if I may ask ‘FOR BETTER FOR WORSE’, does it include may be when it is obvious that your partner wants to kill you?

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11432

    Feresther
    Participant
    Filtered Thoughts Points: 20

    @shanks, now this is getting more interesting. And just before I leave, I wish I could get a custom vow like that of @mayjovey too as it seems to have a true intent.

    @chijann – makawhy? When it’s obvious that my partner wants to kill me.

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