A Call to Change!

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Shanks 9 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #11122

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 210

    The recent heart wrenching events of physical abuse that I get to read or hear about makes me wonder why some women have decided to live in misery? Is it because they’re afraid of CHANGE or of things crumbling to ruins? Why do they have to keep enduring the chaos of their so-called marital lives?

    It really sucks when they compare themselves with Christ – talking about His suffering and travails; how He could have ended it all with a just a “word” and how His love for us was greater than the pains he felt. Hehehehe, I’m sorry for you all as that was in the biblical days. The fact is that each time I look upon a cross hanging desolate on the wall, I remember our Lord’s passion and I feel more hatred for those half-men who abuse their girlfriends/wives. It’s so disgusting I wish I could sacrifice such beasts in human skin just like the Pascal Lamb.

    However, it’s so unfortunate that no matter how much you clamour for these women to get some fresh sense into their churchy brains, they still prefer to look for remedies inside their pains. Such people tell you that “rubies come out of stones” and there’s no need for them to run away from the sickening grips of their “horsebands” who maltreat them. I wouldn’t blame them as little do they know that turning towards God alone and abandoning their “instincts” could lead to further suffering.

    Fine!, it’s possible that couples stay aware of themselves through their failures but “omo j’ara e!” as a stitch in time saves nine. If I were to be a woman, there’s no justifiable reason for me to be enslaved just because I’m in love with a man.

    How on earth do you expect a “horseband” to change after marriage when he already beats you as a boyfriend? Are you nuts? Who told you that those imperfect scars could serve as an evidence of a fully lived marital life to your children. For Chris’sake, there’s just a split moment between life and death!

    This oddity of abuse is also not far-fetched from the illusions of “normality of abnormalities” created by some parents. No wonder that as the children of such parents grow into adults, those poignant stories of overcoming life’s obstacles (even when you know you can’t) get stuck to their empty brains! It makes them accommodate certain bullshits they ain’t supposed to. It seems they’ve forgotten that a “panel-beated” body (no matter how much you pimp it) can never be the same as the “original”.

    For those that have ears, let them hear! Marriage shouldn’t be for the strong alone neither is it meant for the men to be playing “hard games” with the women. If we’re to be realistic, so many things are wrong with our society with majority of these ills stemming from our culture, religion and familial upbringing. Gosh!, irrespective of the amount of love you profess for each other, you’ve got to pay attention to the “signs”. Stay “awake” in your relationships before stepping up.

    Yeah, I know most times, we’re aware of the risks before getting behind the wheels but even at that, you can still stop the fcuk*** wheels when the risk assessment shows all RED! Who says your “relevance” in life is attached to your “marital status”? Who says you can’t live a purposeful life without a man? Hmn, if you love yourself, then “never” allow your relationship/marital problems to “consume” you. Stop being a “spousal abuse victim”!

    It’s in me and you to change our perspectives about ourselves and restore the dignity of our women as humans and not punching bags.

    I don yarn enough, if you like, shine your eyes, if you like, continue with your being a religious/cultural zombie. I don’t even know why I like to take panadol for women’s headache sef.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11136

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3320

    @shanks To break up the chain of marriage is not as easy as you think
    Most women will not like to be seen as ‘being married yesterday and being single today’
    They feel they can’t withstand the shame so they choose to stay and hope the situation will improve
    Sometimes their husbands beg them after beating them and what do you expect them to do if not to forgive

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11140

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 210

    @chijann, I know it’s not as easy as that but there comes a time when you’ve got to use your head over your heart.

    While growing up as a boy, it’s been doctored into my mindset not to ever raise my hands at the opposite sex. So I can’t just stand those cases of DV irrespective of the apologies made. I can actually let go of the first incident of physical abuse (as a woman) but I’ll definitely not let it pass by the 2nd time. Why on earth should he repeat the same f*****g mistake? My dear, I cannot be in for that if I were to be a woman.

    I’ll like you to watch “Knocking at Heaven’s Door” if you’re yet to see the Nollywood movie. I think it clearly depicts your case scenario and you can’t just help but pity the always forgiving Debbie (Adesua Etomi) who kept suffering in what others thought was a true love.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11141

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    Stay AWAKE in your relationships…

    No truer words have been said..
    Thanks @shanks

    Funny enough, it’s not like people intentionally go to sleep in their relationship…
    “Oro ife lobádè”(it is love that’s covering people’s eyes)

    Sometimes, people take shits and at other times choose to come to a compromise.
    However, this is not reasons enough to be in an abusive relationship.
    Physical violence is one and Emotional abuse is another.

    Some times, silent treatment is even worse than the physical abuse…
    Women/Men go through all forms of abuse because why?
    Because breaking out of such relationships for them is like the End of the world for them.

    People needs to know that they deserve better…
    They need to know better so they cN do better.
    Being in an abusive relationship/marriage is HELL on earth.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11166

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 20

    I also wont entertain the idea of being battered in a relationship (whether as a girlfriend or wife). The message here is clear and there are lessons to take home from it for both genders as we should all be alert of the danger signs. Let’s stay woke and say no to abusive relationships.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11253

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 30

    Yes, we all have to be at alert in our various relationships and be able to identify the red flags as soon as we can before we’re led down the path to the destruction of our self-identity or even death.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11257

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 650

    One can never plant beans and expect to reap rice neither maize to reap millet

    A man can never just start beating a lady in marriage if he’d never done such during their courtship

    A man who beats his lady in their relationship,  would he stop in their marriage??

    A call for change applies to all,  our ladies watch careful,  who ever beats you today won’t stop tomorrow,  yes someone can change but it’s that the risk you wanna take?

    Never settle for bullying in relationship and expect pampering in marriage

    Be wise!!!!

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11366

    Filtered Thoughts Points:

    @shanks I found this fascinating all the way. Let those who have listening ears hear and I hope we’ll stop allowing our sentiments in love to override our reasoning.

    Thoughtful Comments: 0.
  • #11378

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 640

    Really a call to change. When I hear such stories too, I get angry in my spirit. And women are mostly the victims. During courtship, they’ll see the sign but foolishly think they can change the man. Then marriage comes and no change at all and they keep taking the same crap. They allowed the man such chances from the beginning.

    These things are more rampant here because there are no strict laws against offenders where it will be recorded against them for life. So they end up settling it as family issue and the offender goes Scot free. Most of our churches and pastors are not even helping issues.

    As a woman, if you remain in an abusive marriage because of your children, the day he kills you eventually is the day those children will know the full length if suffering. And trust the man to move on quickly with another woman that will likely maltreat the children. So, it’s best to run with your life and your kids. Some women can’t do this because they depend financially totally on the man. This is wrong. A woman should always have her own source of income from her work no matter how little. No one ever prays for evil to strike, but best to be on alert. Or even if nothing, your life and your kids’ are most important.

    I know men also suffer DV and I’d also advice them to run for their dear lives. May we not behold evil and remain in it.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11394

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 2600

    @janetcolette “these things are more rampant here because there are no strict laws”

    I’ll say these things are more rampant here because victims don’t want to take it to the authorities.
    In Lagos, there are several institutions that take care of DV and punish offenders also few in Rivers…
    I don’t know of others states yet…
    Thing is…
    If you advise a Victim to go to the authorities they immediately come up with this defense mechanism.

    You see a woman who’s battered telling you that..
    “Don’t worry, God will arrest him one day, he’ll change, I know he didn’t do this with his clear eyes, he even got me gifts on his way back from work yesterday, I’ll keep watching War room etc”
    And other flimsy excuses…

    They’re not ready to take up issues, so…
    The earlier they start reporting, the better for the society.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11395

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 3320

    @mayjovey All these things are not easy as people think. The main thing is for one to pray that she/he does not fall into this condition. That’s all.
    Most persons will not like to report to the authorities even when you avail them the opportunity to do so.
    They see the problem as a family affair that should be known by no one. The authorities are also human beings in the system who will always tell the couple to go and settle at home.
    The woman also in the process of reporting might fall into a man who will want to take an undue advantage of her making her experience worse
    There are certain times you see a lady crying to the authorities to leave her husband for her so they don’t kill him for her after she has reported
    When you report to the authorities and you don’t walk away outrightly from the marriage, you still come back to live with the same man/woman and not with the authorities, now the man can decide not to even physically beat you again, but suffer you through many other silent ways that are even more painful than physical assault.

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)
  • #11482

    Filtered Thoughts Points: 210

    @chijann: “They see the problem as a family affair that should be known by no one. The authorities are also human beings in the system who will always tell the couple to go and settle at home.”

    Yeah, and that’s where the emotional intelligence comes in. You see, some of the people who are in this condition also prayed against it but life is sometimes a bitch!

    The books tell us that “emotional development is directly related to cognitive development” and that furthermore, “emotional development is linked with perpetual maturation”. I like going with the latter because lots of educated people out there still suffer in silence and it’s gonna be so hard for them to achieve emotional independence from their abusive partners (whether man or woman). That’s why it’s imperative for all of us to acquire a set of values or ethical system that would be used in developing our ideologies. Once, that’s in place, then we would be able to make the best decisions. Moreover, I think counseling interventions also play a big role here (especially at the young adulthood stage where most people battle with emotional isolations and issues of loving and being loved).

    Thoughtful Comments: 10.  10 (interesting)

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